There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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