Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
