Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
