Quick, to the slutcave!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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