just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
