I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
