His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
too bad you live with your parents still
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
