Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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