All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we should paint friendship bongs
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