So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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