We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
