Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
