I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
