When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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