you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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