New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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