Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
