She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
