I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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