u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
