And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
