I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
