Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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