Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
