I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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