Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
