I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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