he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
FUCK WHALES
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