Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
