I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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