I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
