My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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