Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
