Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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