I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
