why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
