I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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