and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
