I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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