the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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