I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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