Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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