so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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