based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
