I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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