How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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