I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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