I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
