They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
