Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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