I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
