Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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