Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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