my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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