you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
