I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
